Dumped

It's weird that I uncover emotions like I'm meeting someone for the first time. Surprised somehow that this information was lurking in my brain. So I got dumped the other day. I mildly felt it coming but it was still unpleasant to realize that my mild intuitive impulses were dead on. First, I must say to my credit, I handled it quite convivially. "Thanks for letting me know. Enjoy the rest of your life." How I was so deluded to think that my thoughts would stay there I have no idea. Did I just meet me yesterday!??! Next step was confusion. I didn't do anything wrong, he said I was fantastic, so WTF??? Then, I really started to doubt my sanity. Trying to reconstruct every day, date, conversation, touch, kiss, etc. to see if there was something I missed, but this is really hard to do now, because in my calm calculated stage one, I completely purged myself of every email and text message ever received from him. Step 3: You guessed it. ANGER and sadness. God, I was a mess yesterday afternoon and evening. Walking around in the funk of "I will never see him again"dom. Not pretty and not one of my finer moments. But I allowed myself to grieve for my dead, wrinkly, one month old relationship and all the hopes I had begin to feed it with. So, then last night (yes, this all happened in less than 24 hours), I reach acceptance, or at least what I think is acceptance. I am out with friends, laughing and smiling. Slightly annoyed by the friends who know of the break up who are looking at me with "I'm so sorry for your loss" expressions. I talked to my dad who said what every daughter wants to hear her dad say: "If he didn't know how wonderful and special my baby girl is, he's not worth it and don't give him another thought!" Thanks, Dad! So in my glowing acceptance of my single status, I decide to do what any girl would do. Celebrate with hard core drugs. Well, herb if you want to be technical but there was definitely heavy hallucinations involved. It was a brilliant night. i was able to reconnect with how much I love my brain and being by myself and knowing that in this life, myself is all I have. This feeling has continued, but damnit, I still miss him. This unworthy, unappreciative man who hasn't even given me a second thought enough to respond to my psychedelic email musings last night still have a spot in my brain. NO VACANCY, MAN! Get the hell out. You leave? Pack up your crap and go. Don't leave me like you have with your mess and crap to sort through! UGH!

Celibacy is the only answer.